I’m not dismissing the importance of men having values such as stoicism¹, self-reliance, dominance, and self-sufficiency. However, what I am saying is that men who have the values of empathy, compassion, and understanding are, in my opinion, severely undervalued.

It’s difficult for me to overstate the importance of kind men. As our world grows increasingly interconnected and multicultural, we need kind men. I see article after article about how important it is to be kind and how frequently we misunderstand empathy and compassion, especially in men.

Steve Jobs discussed it in his famous commencement address (Jobs 2005).

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me… It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.”

There’s also this quote from Tim Cook:

“People will try to convince you that you should keep your empathy out of your career. Don’t accept this false premise.”

It turns out empathetic leaders have employees that perform much better. According to Catalyst (Catalyst 2021), employees with empathetic leaders report more innovation, are less likely to leave a job, and are less likely to burn out. Also, empathetic leadership is more impactful when it comes from senior leaders instead of front-line managers. The results are quite simple: empathy, compassion, and leadership start from the top up. (Qualtrics 2024)

“Trust is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.” - Brené Brown

In her TEDx talk, Elena Herdieckerhoff made two critical points:

 > “Most HSPs have a genuine urge to create connection and meaning. Because they feel every pain they see, they want to elevate the forgotten and save the unfortunate.”

“Corporations should invite sensitive people to the table because without sensitives, they risk lacking integrity, innovation, and humanity. “

After reading this article, I strongly encourage people to watch her talk because it is essential.

Sympathy vs Empathy

The difference is subtle but significant: “When a person is sympathetic, they may give helpful advice or look upon someone with pity. They often feel relieved that they are not in the same struggle, and they ignore triggers or difficult feelings that arise from the situation. The person struggling may not feel listened to or “heard.” […] Empathy is defined as “the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions” or “the ability to share someone else’s feelings.” It is looking at things from another person’s perspective and attempting to understand why they feel the way they do.”

(Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team 2022) (Valadon 2023)

Empathy helps leaders connect with their employees and develop trust with every team member. Most (86%) of employees believe empathetic leadership boosts morale, while 87% say empathy is essential to fostering an inclusive environment. (Brower 2021) (Catalyst 2021) (Hemmerdinger 2023) (Van Bommel n.d.)

The Power of Sensitivity

I am a compassionate person. I have struggled with this for a lot of my life. I’ve been passed over in many aspects of my life — job promotions, romantic interests, etc.

When parents talk about “toughening up” their children, I wish they would understand that while well intended, this mindset can be very damaging in the long term. Elena said in her video above, “We should not force sheep into wolves’ clothing.”

I grew up not just as a highly sensitive person but as a highly sensitive male. For the longest time, I always saw this as a defect that should be suppressed or altered. However, as more and more people realize, there is a quiet yet extremely important power to sensitive people.

Dr. Aron (Aron 2021) explored how those most thoughtful and cautious in animal species tended to live the longest and create the most offspring.

So, I guess my pain point is that if you are a sensitive, “soft” person, there’s nothing wrong with you, and you are equally important as the strong, gregarious, and “steel-elbowed” people.

 —

References

Abramson, Ashley. 2021. Cultivating Empathy. American Psychological Association. November 1. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/11/feature-cultivating-empathy.

Aron, Elaine. 2021. How Are Highly Sensitive Men Different? – The Highly Sensitive Person. The Highly Sensitive Person. July 19. https://hsperson.com/how-are-highly-sensitive-men-different/.

Brower, Tracy. 2021. Empathy Is the Most Important Leadership Skill According to Research. Forbes. September 21. /empathy-is-the-most-important-leadership-skill-according-to-research/?sh=a3247a53dc5b.

Catalyst. 2021. Empathic Leaders Drive Employee Engagement and Innovation (Media Release). Catalyst. September 14. https://www.catalyst.org/media-release/empathic-leaders-drive-employee-engagement-and-innovation-media-release/.

Dincic, Jelena. 2023. The Power of Kindness: 10 Habits of Genuinely Caring Individuals. Ideapod. May 1. https://ideapod.com/power-of-kindness/.

Frei, Frances X, and Anne Morriss. 2024. Begin with Trust. Harvard Business Review. 05. https://hbr.org/2020/05/begin-with-trust.

Hall, Laura. 2024. Kind Men and Why We Need Them. LinkedIn Pulse. February 24. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/kind-men-why-we-need-them-laura-hall.

Hemmerdinger, Jennifer. 2023. New EY US Consulting study: employees overwhelmingly expect empathy in the workplace, but many say it feels disingenuous. Ernst & Young LLP. March 30. https://www.ey.com/en_us/news/2023/03/new-ey-us-consulting-study.

Herdieckerhoff, Elena. 2016. “The gentle power of highly sensitive people.” June 24. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi4JOlMSWjo. 2023.

How Forced Masculinity Affects Highly Sensitive Men | Psychology Today. Psychology Today. August 3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-your-corner/202308/how-forced-masculinity-affects-highly-sensitive-men.

Jobs, Steve. 2005. ‘You’ve Got to Find What You love,’ Jobs Says. Stanford News. June 12. https://news.stanford.edu/2005/06/12/youve-got-find-love-jobs-says/.

Miller, Hannah L. 2021. Why Empathetic Leadership Is the Most Effective Leadership Style. Leaders.com. December 9. https://leaders.com/articles/leadership/empathetic-leadership/.

Psychiatric Medical Care Communications Team. 2022. The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy. Psychiatric Medical Care. October 11. https://www.psychmc.com/blogs/empathy-vs-sympathy.

Qualtrics. 2024. The other COVID-19 crisis: Mental health. Qualtrics. April 24. https://www.qualtrics.com/blog/confronting-mental-health/.

Sharma, Rounak. 2023. Why Is Empathetic Leadership Important in Today’s Workplace? Emeritus Online Courses. February 28. https://emeritus.org/blog/leadership-empathetic-leadership/.

Valadon, Olga. 2023. What We Get Wrong About Empathic Leadership. Harvard Business Review. October 17. https://hbr.org/2023/10/what-we-get-wrong-about-empathic-leadership.

Van Bommel, Tara. n.d. The Power of Empathy in Times of Crisis and Beyond (Report). Catalyst. https://www.catalyst.org/reports/empathy-work-strategy-crisis.

Endnotes