Changed my mind

"I don't need you to respect me, I respect me. I don't need you to love me, I love me. But I want you to know you can know me, If you change your mind... If you change your mind... If you change your mind... Change your mind..."

As a trans person who's still very heavily connected and dependent on my bio family, and as a lover of Steven Universe, this latest episode hit me pretty hard. Not only was it full of examples and metaphors of toxic family and how Steven saw that it wasn't right or normal, it was also full of metaphors about being trans in an unaccepting family. If you watch the episode and think about it, it's pretty clear.

Along with these concepts, there was an overall theme about loving yourself and being and believing in your true self. I think that's the one that got me the most. Living with a toxic family, being trans and not accepted, and struggling with that whole self love concept I talked about before... The ending song sums up these concepts simultaneously.

The last lines where he sings "If you change your mind" I think, speaks in two ways. Where it's "change your mind" as in "change the way you think about me/people like me" in both the trans aspect and the heavy expectations of a toxic parental authority figure, and "change your mind" as an invitation to getting to know Steven.

It's just so beautiful.

He's basically saying that he doesn't need the love, respect, and overall approval (projection??) from the people he cares about (technical family or otherwise!!) because him loving, respecting, accepting and empowering himself is enough for him. For the whole Diamond Days, White Diamond (and the other diamonds but her most of all) rejected Steven and his want to talk with her about how he is Steven and that he needs her help and all, right. And it brought him to a point where he's like I gotta be this person I hardly know, I am the shadow of my mother, I have to be her because I'm a part of her. But he realizes he doesn't have to because he's Just Steven. And that's revealed when Pink Steven comes out! It shows that his true self is just him! He is Steven inside and out!! And inside, there he was, loving himself and loving being him! The relief in his laugh when hugging Pink Steven was a show of relief and disbelief, both that he can't but can believe that it was him all along, and he isn't Pink Diamond or Rose Quartz! It's just him! Just Steven!! The big grin from Pink Steven, I interpreted as a joy that Steven accepts Steven for what he truly is: Steven!!

And that's the whole thing about being trans too. It's hard to accept who you are because of the cissexist society that says we have to align with what a doctor says at our birth! Like, literally cis people believe that a DOCTOR who doesn't know us, nor never will, knows BETTER than US at WHAT we ARE. It's not JUST an identifier, it's literally what we are inside and out. I can't describe it better for you cis readers. Sorry not sorry, trans folks should understand (except truscum and if you are truscum just leave ok just why are you here).

I'm getting away from the topic.

Coming back to what I was saying before: the last lines are both the two things being said at the same time, imo. He's keeping the door open for people to come and know him, because currently they're like no I don't want to know you. But he cares about them and wants to keep the door open in case they change their mind!! And honestly, it's such a, like, perfect idea. To just be able to say, hey, I love and care about you and want you to stay in my life, and if you want to as well, then here's the door to my life, it's open and you can come in anytime! Like, it's hard to do that sometimes when the people you care about have treated you so shitty! Like you don't want to let them in because they might harm you more! You want to push them away! You want to run away and never talk to them ever again! Disown them or something! But this is saying, hey, come back if you ever want. I'll be here.

The second one is also thinking about how, and this is connected to the first point, they would have to change the way they think to be able to connect with him again. He might have the door open, but the person can't come through unless they have a different way of thinking. They won't be welcome if they still have the same mindset: "you're Pink Diamond, not some human hybrid!" "you're [agab] not some trans person!" Steven is literally saying change your mind to get to know me when you change your mind about getting to know me. Does that make sense??

Anyways thanks for reading this whole rant. I was going to just toot it but I don't think it would be very, uh, idk as good as I thought about it here ig. kthnxbai