Shit goes deep?

Hey y'all if you're like me who obsesses with songs and albums, then you know how every album surely has a story behind it. Zach Callison, best known for his VA role as Steven from Steven Universe, is a great artist btw. I mean yeah he looks like a douchebag fuckboi but he makes really good music that goes deep, imo. His first album is A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak and like yeah I've read the genius entries where people cite the interviews where he explains what its all about but like, when I read those I'm like k that makes sense for like one or two songs. But if you look at the song titles, the lyrics, the tones of all the songs then it goes deeper.

Phantom Love

"This phantom love/tied and severed/I was never the one/is this what you call forever?"

This is the one where he describes how his feelings for his now ex, who's name we later find is called Juanita, are there still and the heartbreak is apparent. It's very intro, the first lines are literally "step inside the life of the man weak enough to follow you." He's speaking to Juanita and how she never really loved him but he "loved [her] more" (and its got a good guitar riff). And he's singing about his one sided "phantom love" and how he's realizing she was just messed up and (my guess? might be projection lmao) he's trying to rationalize himself that he's better bc he truly loved her but she just played with him. Also that he's gotta move on.

Interlude I (Franticity)

"He looks like a douchebag!"

This one's pretty cool imo. It's basically a bunch of voices kind of chaotically put together with interesting rapid piano in the background where the voices keep talking shit about "Juanita's ex" and like look up what they say bc it's interestingly funny. Towards the end one of the voices say "I heard he does coke now and like, screams a lot." and then he just screams! Then he starts saying "over and over and over and over" repetitively until he's just screaming "over and over". Then there's the sounds of what I can only guess is him doing a line of coke. Fun fact about this song, the voices sound like the VA's to Connie, Pearl, and Amethyst and I think i read somewhere that it is them. (I love how Deedee Magno (Pearl's VA) talks about his "dirty ass Vanns" bc she says ass). This whole song is basically how he just hears the same old rumors "over and over" and it's haunting him how the voices sound hauntingly. In one of the sites I read he explains how he had a girlfriend who when they broke up she would talk shit about him on social media and to friends and they'd just all taunt him and he hated that.

She Don't Know

"My liquid grief spills to the floor/and I'm screaming like a banshee/wondering how can she just go/but she don't know"

This one is definitely talking about how the heartbreak breakup is taking a toll on him now. He misses her and he's crying and screaming and blocking out the pain with drugs and alcohol. He wants to be with her but he can't. He feels that her love was a drug and now that he's trying to get his fix with drugs n shit, he can't find anything that would make him feel the same (or better). The whole "she don't know" part is that Juanita doesn't know about the pain he's experiencing because she's not there to see it. Also, he pronounces "pretend" as "protend" and I find that fascinating. In the music video he's all singing and then he starts playing the keyboard hella skilled n shit which is my personal favorite part.

Interlude II (Christie Only Knows)

"This life's tearing me to pieces/and I know I've been defeated, oh no"

This is the one that makes me think. First, who the FUCK is Christie? This song takes the same tune of "She Don't Know" but a little different. It's very much darker, giving the tone that he sees what's become of him and starts thinking about death. Gives off the "either I'm gonna kill myself or I'm gonna end up ODing" vibe. Christie might be someone he's grown close who's seen his depressed, heartbroken mess, idk. Also, he begins to mention the "silver screen" and describes a disconnect between himself and "his shadow" who's "holding a gun" which leads me to think that his heartbreak seems to be televised (TMZ?) bc of Juanita and her rumor shit spreading. Both the overwhelm in fame and the overwhelm in heartbreak is getting to him. He feels broken inside but has to put a face "there ain't no drug in all the world like being you" makes me think this. Idk who the "you" he's talking to but I feel it's his disconnected self that shows on the "silver screen." The whole screaming out of breath part, oof the feels.

Nightmare

"Are you writing this down Christie? Yeah"

This one I must admit I did not like. It's a whole ass poem that has a lot of feel and meaning but I just can't get into. However it does play nicely with the album (as it should). The lyric I blockquoted was interesting to me because he describes a lot like how he's overlooking the city and like tears on his bathroom tile and like it's filled with words that are big and I am a small child who doesn't know words I just interpret it as like, how he feels like he's going insane over pressure and being fake and fake friends (Juanita's rumors n shit talking) and apparently he calls Christie his sister so like???? and how he took pills for the first time??? He's feeling like he's gonna die???? Still disconnected??? It's really complex and Idk what else to say about it other than it's all a big word vomit on what he's feeling inside. The whole choir sound and singing in that bridge? Good shit. And then at the end that whole part??? I think he's speaking to the one who's interpreting the words (me but not specifically me, more like the reader/listener) and adds a layer of like wonder and mystery of like is he talking about himself?? Or someone else?? "Why don't you tell me?" Which might also be a disconnect of himself, or he's being literal. Whooooooooo knooooooooows...... (he does (Zach only knooooooooowsssss)).

Interlude III (Second Thoughts)

"His brain has a sickness/so kill it at the source"

The thing I read when I was first hearing this describes it as "the planned murder of Zach's character" which I feel oversimplifies the song. He talks about like everything he's become and how he's just a mess and how now he's thinking about just killing the Zach who once was. Which, could either be a metaphor or just like really saying like he's gonna kill himself. I mean, really he didn't and its like obvious that he doesn't kill himself he kills the him that he's become. I think it can be interpreted, the beginning part, that its saying people will love him until he's just a messed up junkie ex-hollywood star dying in the streets bc drugs, forever heartbroken. The interesting part of this is that his sister Christie tells him to "pull the trigger" and that he's sick (the blockquote above). I think this gets more interesting in connection with the next two songs.

Curtain Call

me: oh hell yeah

This is my most fave song of the whole freakin album bc its so fuckin dramatic which, if you know me, I love. I didn't choose any lyrics bc they're all great. So, this one is where it's the old Zach talking about how it's springtime and he's still heartbroken. (Interpreted in a way where springtime is a time of new growth n shit and he's still stuck in the same old (ooh look at you Rapha you're getting all interpreting/metaphoricalizing up in here)). Anyways he's all like, kinda sounding paranoid that people keep looking at him (duh he's a star) and he's depressed and just wanting a way out of the pain when BOOM GUNSHOT SCREAM. Idk if this is projection (again) but this feels more emotionally charged than the rest?? Nightmare was definitely emotional. But still. And the whole part towards the end where he's saying he can't contain his rage and he fuckin screams NO! It's like he knows the end is coming and the new Zach is coming to kill the old Zach with the whole "take my hand, hold my shame, take a bow, they won't look away" its just so emotional I can't describe the emotion with words. It's like he's having a breakdown with a gun which should not be done. Damn. I feel for the kid. Also, note: the italian at the beginning and the end is from the fuckin bible. The beginning is him saying "forgive my iniquity though it is great" to God bc he's done a big bad "immoral"-ness (the drugs and fucking himself up apparently) which I like imagine him saying that before doing more drugs like he can't stop but harm himself even tho he knows its bad for him or smth idk (projection??). The end part is a verse that talks about how basically death flees from those who want to die. And like for the whole album he's depressed and wants to die (or an equivalent of that) to take away the pain of the heartbreak. Which I think he finds that at least interesting because he sort of laugh-huffs (or breaths out relieved?) after then says amen.

Interlude IV (Showtime)

"I saved him I held him till the moment he died"

I love this one because it just shows the aftermath of Curtain Call and how Christie goes into all this. The gist of this story is like, ok Zach just killed "Zach" because of Christie's motivation (which like, no offense but the advice she gives sounds kinda fucked up "kill the sickness at its source" what the fuck Christie??) for Zach to kill Zach. But Zach feels bad for killing Zach and Christie is all like dude let it go but he's like no this kid was just an innoccent heartbroken kid I didn't need to kill him! "He lived a good life and he gave it to you/oh is that right you know its not true" is like his good famous life was given to the new Zach but he knows it wasn't a good life as Christie describes it. Like ok, I just got so overwhelmed with the lyrics because the whole conversation had is just so fuckin great I was like damn he "killed himself" ("They'll all think it was suicide/but Christie I know it was you inside") its like his sister kept telling him its on him it's his fault and he's the one responsible for his reaction to heartbreak and that he should "kill it at its source"??? Like damn what the fuck! And then she's like "I won't help you take her down." WHOMST??? JUANITA???? Like she's like lmao brother is dead time to move on bc new brother is new and won't have the same problems!! But surprise!! Killing his old self didn't get rid of the emotions he had!!! Zach is like still fucked up but he realizes that it's not him, it was never JUST him it was Juanita who fucked up up, keeps fucking him up, and will continue to do so unless he stops her!!! Like fuuuuuck!! And she insists, its not worth it just overcome it! But he's no you can't interact with Juanita or she'll tear you down too!! And HE CALLED HER WORSE THAN JUANITA!!!! Because he encouraged him to kill his old self!!! Instead of getting revenge!!! What the fuuuuuck!!!!!! its just so intense I'm moving on. (Also Christie is Grace Rolek who's the VA for Connie and I'm like damn).

War!

"Welcome to the new me/paint your nails black and unscrew me"

In the genius site for the lyrics to this is the quote of which I found out that Juanita was the one talking shit about him and after reading it again damn that shit sucks man and I really felt for the kid. "she was sub-tweeting me when I would call her. She would reject me, then tweet about it afterwards and get her friends to prank call me." But the great part about this whole song is that the way he gets back at Juanita is dissing the fact that she's a singer and that she's been working on an album for "ages" and has no content out but he has and he's like haha loser which is a real stab at someone in the music world, I'd imagine. Also, blockquote?? Can I get a hell yeah? But yeah the connection to the title and the song is that he's gonna talk shit about her IN AN ALBUM and talk about how she hasn't produced shit! Like damn man way to go. And he's really talking its a new him he's not gonna be humiliated by her anymore which is like props to you man, hell yeah.

TLDR: Zach is depressed bc Juanita broke up with him, his sister comes in and tells him to kill himself, he says fuck you Christie fuck you Juanita, and makes a kickass album.

kthnxbai

Afterword: I just realized the same voice that starts the conversation in Interlude I is Christie and that just fucked me up even further. Thanks for reading.